For so long I've been in the "business" of protecting and fighting.
Protecting what I cherish.
Fighting for what I want.
Let me tell ya'....it's taxing. That is for darn sure.
Ever since I started this little "business"...I've heard it all. Why this and why that. What it is or isn't. When I'm wrong or I don't know. I get to the point where I stop verbalizing anything. I just watch. 95% of the time, I was right. I knew why. I knew what.
The result was always painful.
The hard thing for me, as the protector, was that no one wanted to help me protect what I cherished. Everyone attacked, attacked, attacked. Some, without evening knowing it. But for most, it was known.
Countless times, I defended. I fought back. They "surrendered"...and came back harder than before. Just in different forms of attack.
(Sounds like a good book or a movie, right? ha....no.)
I've put up with it all for so long. And to no prevail.
So I've decided to put it all aside. It sucks fighting and defending and protecting what I cherish and want, when it's all being ripped away in little pieces anyway.
From now on, I keep these things to myself. Tucked away safe inside where no one can reach them. Where no one even knows they exist. That way, I won't have to fight and protect.
I can just be.
Feels better this way. Kinda. The good outweighs the bad. That's what matters.
Maybe...maybe I can be given help one day. To take back the things that I've given up on defending. It's tiresome giving all the help, and only getting a handful of help back.
I cherish the handful I'm given...don't get me wrong. At least there's an elite few that genuinely care. =) That's a wonderful feeling.
Despite what I feel about it all...I'll be better like this. No more worrying about things I thought were valuable. Maybe they never were...we'll see.
I'm keeping my head held high. And I'm putting one foot in front of the other. This is good.

There are many things that I strive for. Many things that I hope and long to be. Some people tell me that I'm foolish. Some people tell me I'm hopeless. I get judged because I decide against something, and strive for something greater. Especially if I happen to do that four or five times.
There's never anyone with full support. There's always a "negativity" that must be shown.

So I tell my self that I'm being foolish. That I'm making a mistake. But there's no way around it...so I continue on. Only, I keep it to myself. I don't want to share my thoughts and ideas and plans with anyone else. I'll just get shot down. Those opinions don't need to matter though. Because they're not going to help me achieve my goals.

Despite whether or not my ideas and plans are foolish or hopeless or even impossible...I can strive for the perfection, and hope for greatness. Nothing bad is going to come out of working for perfection.

" Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and follow where they lead."

I am my own man. I have my aspirations. The judgments of other people don't matter. I know that I can push myself. I know that God is right beside me. Greatness is mine for the taking.