This is my space...I can say what I want. Judge me.

I don't understand what the problem is.
I don't understand what it is about me.
I don't understand why I'm so prone to disaster.

Why is it, that every time something substantially good begins to happen for me, that something horrible comes along and ruins it? That something comes along and tells me I can't have it? Why the hell am I targeted so much? What makes me so damn horrible? I'm here, trying to pursue my heart with everything I've got, and no matter how far I get, I'm yanked back to ground zero.

You can judge me all you want about how depressing I am. And how I'm just acting all woe is me and the world hates me....go ahead. That's your right. But at least I know that's not the case. I'm not exaggerating when I say every time. That's the cold, heartless truth. But I know what you're thinking...I'm ok with that.

So now my internal question is...Why do I keep trying?
Shit.

little things

I find great joy in the little things.

I love smiles. Laughs. Confused bugs. Embarrassing moments. Tickles. Giggles. 'Oops!' moments. Tag. Games. Snuggles. Softness. Good smells. Sports. Music. Food. Candles. Pillows. Socks. Puppies. Babies. Instruments. Eyes. Technology. Talking. Shouting. Dancing. Blankets. Listening. Legs. Movies. The list keeps going for hours.

Finding the wonderful in life is something that myself and a very treasured friend have talked about quite a bit.

Over the last few weeks. Many things have occurred for me that have really stressed me out. When there's so much stress from these big things, I tend to find myself getting overwhelmed and depressed. I even let things that haven't happened yet do this to me. It's quite frustrating.

In the midst of all the stress and depression and overwhelming odds, I find myself time and time again being lifted up and joyful and excited about the future. Every time, it's the same thing that does it. I wonder to myself what the heck it is that's making me happy. That's making me not forget, but, deal with my stress and these big things.

After much deliberation, I figured out what it was and is.

I have found the wonderful in my life. It is, indeed, wonderful. And is always there.

Something that I love...is one wonderful thing, leads to more wonderful.

I find great joy in the little things.

My wonderful brings about lots of the little things. That's more wonderful. What my wonderful is now....that's not all it will be in my future. There will be so much more. It's all beginning to grow right here and now. That's wonderful.

Through the previous act of much deliberation, I discovered something else.

The stressful, depressing, overwhelming situations I have been, and I continue to face; they will pass. They're big things that hold little meaning and will not be here in my future.

However, these little wonderful things that sometimes are so easily overlooked. Hold some of the most meaningful impacts in my life.

I now focus on my wonderful.
I now choose joy.
I now am joyful.

I find great joy in the little things.