I don't understand what the problem is.
I don't understand what it is about me.
I don't understand why I'm so prone to disaster.
Why is it, that every time something substantially good begins to happen for me, that something horrible comes along and ruins it? That something comes along and tells me I can't have it? Why the hell am I targeted so much? What makes me so damn horrible? I'm here, trying to pursue my heart with everything I've got, and no matter how far I get, I'm yanked back to ground zero.
You can judge me all you want about how depressing I am. And how I'm just acting all woe is me and the world hates me....go ahead. That's your right. But at least I know that's not the case. I'm not exaggerating when I say every time. That's the cold, heartless truth. But I know what you're thinking...I'm ok with that.
So now my internal question is...Why do I keep trying?
Shit.
Life is rough and messed up. Thats how its always been, thats how its supposed to be. Older people always tell me when I look at all the HUGE problems in my life and how I think nothing could get worse, that I'll look back on this day and think how small my problems were compared to now. So yeah, lots of things go wrong and it sucks and we're like 'Why?' And 'What did I do to deserve this?'. But really, I think we're only being prepared and taught for other times ahead. I don't know why things go wrong, all I know is life rarely goes the way we want it to, so we celebrate when it does. Don't give up...not yet.
ReplyDeleteLife is rough and messed up...you're right. But there's a difference between what adults say, like you mentioned, and the problems I face that are keeping me from my future. There's a big difference.
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ReplyDeleteLife is definitely rough, messed up, tough, and sometimes, a disaster... but it's still beautiful, even in a tragic, depressing way. In short, I know how you feel. I keep getting dragged back to ground zero with all the things that God has put on my plate. The questions that always run through my mind are, "Why me? What the hell did I do to deserve this? Can I ever break away from this?!" What keeps me going is hope. Yes, it is very hard to even have a sliver of hope when things don't go the way we want them to... but at the same time, that little flame of hope can mean the world to us. Like Rachael said, life rarely goes the way we want it to... but we have to keep hoping that it will all get better. Sometimes, it's all we can do. Please don't give up yet... I can't bear to see anybody else give up... so please keep hoping that things will get better. I'll be praying for you.
ReplyDeleteSo many things keep us from the future and that stop us. But you dont just stop cause its hard, it's always gonna be hard. There is no difference. Life is hard now, and it will be hard later. It depends on how you look at it.
ReplyDeletePerhaps what we think life should look like is all wrong, and then when it doesn't happen our way, we aren't satisfied. This is for me too, when I say… since when is it about our own happiness and success?
ReplyDeletePsalm 13:
ReplyDeleteHow long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
BUT I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the LORD’s praise, for he has been good to me.