I decided a couple months ago that I'm done wasting my time on things that I don't want, and using my time to achieve the things that I desire. Forget going to school to get a degree that will allow me to do something I don't want to do the rest of my life. Forget going to school to merely get words on a piece of paper that say I can do something that I was already good at to begin with. I'm not going to waste the precious years of my life, wasting my time, energy, and hard earned money. It's not worth it. I have the opportunities right in my face...it's time to snatch them up.

Music is my passion. I love playing. I love singing. I love teaching. I love watching those that I've taught and influenced. That's what I want to do with my life...and that's what I'm starting...right now. I'm devoting all my time and energy and money towards the goal of teaching and playing and singing for the rest of my life. It's looking good. And it makes me happy. It's nice to have something to lift my spirits when nothing else does. We've all got to have our constant. Mine is music. I'm loving it.



We all have our own ways of achieving our goals. This is mine.


Don't settle for good enough...


Here's to doing what you love. Here's to chasing after your dreams and desires.

a time to just be free

I have found that something internal that I want more than anything...is to be free. To have this inward sense that I am free. That I am calm and nothing in the world matters. Even if I'm having a great day or a horrible day...none of it even matters, because inside, I'm free. It's a surreal feeling.
I think it's a different circumstance or reason for everyone to have the feeling...but lately I've been experiencing this sensation with my music. Just plugging in the ear buds and just relaxing in the sound of these beautiful pictures. I cherish this time well spent.

Find your inner sensation of freedom. No matter what it takes...find it. It's truly one of the best things you could ever gain. Ahh.

For so long I've been in the "business" of protecting and fighting.
Protecting what I cherish.
Fighting for what I want.
Let me tell ya'....it's taxing. That is for darn sure.
Ever since I started this little "business"...I've heard it all. Why this and why that. What it is or isn't. When I'm wrong or I don't know. I get to the point where I stop verbalizing anything. I just watch. 95% of the time, I was right. I knew why. I knew what.
The result was always painful.
The hard thing for me, as the protector, was that no one wanted to help me protect what I cherished. Everyone attacked, attacked, attacked. Some, without evening knowing it. But for most, it was known.
Countless times, I defended. I fought back. They "surrendered"...and came back harder than before. Just in different forms of attack.
(Sounds like a good book or a movie, right? ha....no.)
I've put up with it all for so long. And to no prevail.
So I've decided to put it all aside. It sucks fighting and defending and protecting what I cherish and want, when it's all being ripped away in little pieces anyway.
From now on, I keep these things to myself. Tucked away safe inside where no one can reach them. Where no one even knows they exist. That way, I won't have to fight and protect.
I can just be.
Feels better this way. Kinda. The good outweighs the bad. That's what matters.
Maybe...maybe I can be given help one day. To take back the things that I've given up on defending. It's tiresome giving all the help, and only getting a handful of help back.
I cherish the handful I'm given...don't get me wrong. At least there's an elite few that genuinely care. =) That's a wonderful feeling.
Despite what I feel about it all...I'll be better like this. No more worrying about things I thought were valuable. Maybe they never were...we'll see.
I'm keeping my head held high. And I'm putting one foot in front of the other. This is good.

There are many things that I strive for. Many things that I hope and long to be. Some people tell me that I'm foolish. Some people tell me I'm hopeless. I get judged because I decide against something, and strive for something greater. Especially if I happen to do that four or five times.
There's never anyone with full support. There's always a "negativity" that must be shown.

So I tell my self that I'm being foolish. That I'm making a mistake. But there's no way around it...so I continue on. Only, I keep it to myself. I don't want to share my thoughts and ideas and plans with anyone else. I'll just get shot down. Those opinions don't need to matter though. Because they're not going to help me achieve my goals.

Despite whether or not my ideas and plans are foolish or hopeless or even impossible...I can strive for the perfection, and hope for greatness. Nothing bad is going to come out of working for perfection.

" Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and follow where they lead."

I am my own man. I have my aspirations. The judgments of other people don't matter. I know that I can push myself. I know that God is right beside me. Greatness is mine for the taking.

This is my space...I can say what I want. Judge me.

I don't understand what the problem is.
I don't understand what it is about me.
I don't understand why I'm so prone to disaster.

Why is it, that every time something substantially good begins to happen for me, that something horrible comes along and ruins it? That something comes along and tells me I can't have it? Why the hell am I targeted so much? What makes me so damn horrible? I'm here, trying to pursue my heart with everything I've got, and no matter how far I get, I'm yanked back to ground zero.

You can judge me all you want about how depressing I am. And how I'm just acting all woe is me and the world hates me....go ahead. That's your right. But at least I know that's not the case. I'm not exaggerating when I say every time. That's the cold, heartless truth. But I know what you're thinking...I'm ok with that.

So now my internal question is...Why do I keep trying?
Shit.

little things

I find great joy in the little things.

I love smiles. Laughs. Confused bugs. Embarrassing moments. Tickles. Giggles. 'Oops!' moments. Tag. Games. Snuggles. Softness. Good smells. Sports. Music. Food. Candles. Pillows. Socks. Puppies. Babies. Instruments. Eyes. Technology. Talking. Shouting. Dancing. Blankets. Listening. Legs. Movies. The list keeps going for hours.

Finding the wonderful in life is something that myself and a very treasured friend have talked about quite a bit.

Over the last few weeks. Many things have occurred for me that have really stressed me out. When there's so much stress from these big things, I tend to find myself getting overwhelmed and depressed. I even let things that haven't happened yet do this to me. It's quite frustrating.

In the midst of all the stress and depression and overwhelming odds, I find myself time and time again being lifted up and joyful and excited about the future. Every time, it's the same thing that does it. I wonder to myself what the heck it is that's making me happy. That's making me not forget, but, deal with my stress and these big things.

After much deliberation, I figured out what it was and is.

I have found the wonderful in my life. It is, indeed, wonderful. And is always there.

Something that I love...is one wonderful thing, leads to more wonderful.

I find great joy in the little things.

My wonderful brings about lots of the little things. That's more wonderful. What my wonderful is now....that's not all it will be in my future. There will be so much more. It's all beginning to grow right here and now. That's wonderful.

Through the previous act of much deliberation, I discovered something else.

The stressful, depressing, overwhelming situations I have been, and I continue to face; they will pass. They're big things that hold little meaning and will not be here in my future.

However, these little wonderful things that sometimes are so easily overlooked. Hold some of the most meaningful impacts in my life.

I now focus on my wonderful.
I now choose joy.
I now am joyful.

I find great joy in the little things.

It feel good to know who you are...

So I basically suck at this blogging thing, seeing as this is my second post since the beginning. I said I was going to be consistent...well I guess I'm consistently inconsistent! ha Well anyway...Since my last entry, there's been a roller coaster of things happen. I'm not going to share my heart about all if it...I'm only going to share my heart on the most recent and incredible happening. =)

Near two and a half weeks ago I was given the most incredible privilege of being a training assistant for Breakthrough. Oh. My. Goodness. It has been amazing.
When I walked into that room two weeks ago on the Friday night of BT1, I began to realize how far off contract I've been. I realized how I've let my heart and Breakthrough experience get buried underneath all the crap of life, and lose track of who I am. This last Wednesday through Sunday was BT2...and I rediscovered who I am.
This has been the most incredible experience for me. While I was within those walls, listening to the trainees share their hearts...watching and helping them discover themselves...I found myself finding who I am again. This last week...I've felt emotions that I've never felt before. I found TRUE JOY in that room while helping the group on their journeys.
That is my true passion. Touching people's lives and helping them on their journeys. I don't even know how to describe the the emotions and joy that I felt over those four and a half days. It was incredible. I'm counting down the days to BT3. God is good.
My report is this....I have found myself again. I'm choosing my contract. I'm choosing to live loved and love life. Trevor is back, and he's not leaving again.
I am a Self-Caring, Discerning, and Forgiving man.

Grace and peace!
4's